my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
third nipple confirmed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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