Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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