True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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