you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
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So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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