yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
