there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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