The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize