in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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