He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
