Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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