i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
