Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
