Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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