This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
