All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sarcasm needs its own font
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
