so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Success! We fucked roommates!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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