I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
