I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
