Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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