If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
