I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize