you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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