No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
