Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
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his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
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I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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