Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
