Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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