our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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