Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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