im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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