Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
