he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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