I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
