did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
