I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
