It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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