Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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