Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
