You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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