I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
