Who did Billy Mays play for?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
