I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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