my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
