so explain again why im purple
no
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
