Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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