hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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