im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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