Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
