There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
