All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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