Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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