I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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