I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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