Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
