Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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