im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
