just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
