The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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