$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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