I think I died a long time ago.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
