Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize