Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
